


To Buy A Paradise

by joy_shines



Category: Kushiel's Legacy - Jacqueline Carey
Genre: Kink Negotiation, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Power Dynamics, Relationship Negotiation, Service Submission, commitment ceremony, very soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:07:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28141386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joy_shines/pseuds/joy_shines
Summary: We needed all our combined wits to evade d’Aiglemort’s plans for our ruin. Suffice it to say that escape we did, dead in the eyes of the world, but living in the flame of our love for each other. Now, we are safe as we may be, enjoying Maestro Gonzago’s hospitality.Excerpts from Alcuin's journals, set some nebulous time afterKushiel's Dartand before the end ofKushiel's Chosen.
Relationships: Alcuin nó Delaunay/Anafiel Delaunay
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	To Buy A Paradise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SouthernContinentSkies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernContinentSkies/gifts).



_ As Naamah lay with strangers for love of Elua,  
_ _ So did I for you, my lord.  
_ _ As Cassiel forswore all but his beloved’s side,  
_ _ So did I for you.  
_ _ As Elua spilt his blood to buy a paradise,  
_ _ So have I done, with you.  
_ _ So would I always do, for you. _

\- From the poetry of Alcuin nó Delauney

_ Excerpts from the journals attributed to one Alcuin nó Delauney, preserved in the Royal Library in the City of Elua. _

I do not like to think on it, how we came to be here. A miracle, a gift of Blessed Elua, it was, that we survived that blood-drenched night, at all. My heart stings me to know how Phèdre and Joscelin must have grieved us, drawing the only possible conclusion (the only conclusion my lord and I would let them draw) from the welter of blood (only some of it ours) in the house, the well-laid tracks leading to hasty ruts of carriage wheels…ah, it is best left unsaid. My lord is more than passing clever, and I flatter myself that, as his student, I am likewise - but, truly, we needed all our combined wits to evade d’Aiglemort’s plans for our ruin. Suffice it to say that escape we did, dead in the eyes of the world, but living in the flame of our love for each other. Now, we are safe as we may be, enjoying Maestro Gonzago’s hospitality, as he has oft enjoyed Anafiel’s.

* * *

  
It is strange, to be effectively banished from Terre D’Ange, to live far from the intrigue and politics that consumed my mind, and my days, in the City of Elua - but I find that I do not mind it, so much. Still, I have work for body and mind - Joscelin’s lessons remain with me, and our host has a blessedly good library. My lord and I continue to pluck at the threads of Elder Brother’s mystery, and we long for the day when we may find somewhat to set Phèdre’s dear friend free from his torments. Even more, I dream of a time when we may return safely to Elua’s land...but, ah, though we hear that Ysandre sits secure on her throne, Anafiel and I agree: so long as Melisandre Shahrizai remains outside a prison cell, we needs must remain hidden. 

* * *

I do not much repine here...less than I might have feared. Indeed, I have ample consolations for my exile, in the having of my lord so close, in the having of his heart in my care. There is a leisure here, that could never have been equalled in the City. There, too much business demanded our attentions - we could not afford to toss aside paper and pen, work and study, to spend an afternoon - an evening - a day - in loveplay. But here, ah! Here, we are able to linger in each other. I shall never know the agony and ecstasy of Naamah’s service as Phèdre does - but at last, I understand what it means for  _ me _ to serve Her, truly and well. 

When my lord, my beloved Anafiel is weary with his work, I serve both Naamah and him when I lead him from his study, to the well-perfumed bath. I serve with perfect contentment - a thing I had only rarely known, and never in Naamah’s service, before we came together - as I bathe his dear body, smoothing away sweat, coaxing tension from his shoulders and head. I serve, still, when I help him out of the bath, standing before me, all aglow in the candlelight. And I serve, most joyously, as I sink to my knees before him, awaiting his hand in my hair, the invitation to have him, to take him into me as he urges me on, words of love like honeyed wine on his lips.   
  


* * *

My lord did not fully grasp this at first: that my greatest pleasure lies in service to him, in knowing how well I please him. He feared, bless his generous heart, that my devotion was naught but misplaced obligation for his kindnesses to me. I swore, before Naamah and blessed Elua, that it was not so - but, ah, having once deceived my lord in my motivations in Naamah’s service, it took near on a year before he would let me have him - before he would have  _ me _ \- as I most desired. In truth, I believe he feared himself in this, too. He has no taste for pain, my Anafiel - but he cannot hide the depth of his desire, how profoundly my service affects him. When we eat alone, it is my pleasure to let no other serve at his table, and  _ his _ pleasure to feed me from his own fingers. Our host has long since stopped urging us to come to table with him, when we show the inclination to keep to our rooms - he is, I think, affectionately amused with us.   
  
Of late, however, the bliss I enjoy with Anafiel has become strained - he has somewhat on his mind that he will not share with me. He asks me, over and over, questions I thought long since settled, “Alcuin, my love, do you truly delight in this?” and this, while I am on my knees for him, pleased as ever Antinous was by his royal lover. “My dove - Alcuin - does it not trouble you to serve me so?” as I oil his hair, or “Are you quite certain you’d not want our positions more often reversed?” as he opens me up to receive him. I answer, over and over, assuring him of how desperately, how deeply, how truly I desire him - though I wonder, I wonder if he tires of the way I need him, the way I want to be  _ his _ , secure in his heart. I fear for my own heart, if this be true.

* * *

Oh!  _ Oh _ , I ought never have doubted my lord, my love. All my fretting, my fears, my worries - all for naught. Last night, after writing the above, I heard my Anafiel’s knock on the door of my study. Upon his entrance, I started up, afraid that he bore grave news, for his countenance was as troubled as Elder Brother’s waters - but he bade me sit. Then - Blessed Elua, I tremble to remember it - he knelt. My lord, my love, my Anafiel, who kneels to no one - he knelt before me.

In my distress and confusion, I tried to raise him up, forbade him to place himself at my feet, so, to usurp my rightful place at his - but, oh! At last, he smiled, fond and happy, “Only a moment,” he assured me, “Only a moment, Alcuin - trust me, in this, as you have so often before.” There is, I believe, nothing I would not grant him, were Anafiel to ask it of me in that voice, so I remained as I was.    
  
“Alcuin - love of my heart,” he began - and this, from my lord, who may have been free enough with words of devotion on the page, but stumbled over speech, covering his hesitance with kisses and caresses, “Your gentleness has opened my heart, in ways I thought lost to me forever. Your,” he swallowed, struggling, “your desire in service to me, the way you rejoice in my pleasure is - is better than wine, sweeter than honey. Though I am in exile, Alcuin, so long as I am with you, I am home. Blessed Elua enjoins us to love as we will - and,” here his voice grew in force and vigor, “I long to spend the rest of my life loving you, and being loved by you.”

I wept - we think it no sin, we D’Angelines, that all people should weep in times of great joy or sorrow - so I wept at my Anafiel’s words, and the profound relief and delight they brought me. “My  _ lord _ , there is nothing I desire more - but surely,  _ surely _ you know this?”    
  
He nodded, eyes shining, “But I want that you understand how  _ I  _ desire this, as well. Because - I should...I should say...Alcuin nó Delauney, will you accept my collar?” At this, he drew a fine, pale deerskin strap from his pocket - I could see the buckle shone with the richness of gold, likewise the sheaf of corn, skillfully engraved on a simple setting at the front of the collar. I had heard of such things - ways of formalizing a love wherein one delights in giving way to the other. Living with Phèdre, I had not thought of such a thing being for me - but  _ ah _ , my lord always knows what he is about.    
  
A collar such as this binds both ways, offering security and assurance to the one collared, that their gift is seen, is valued, is  _ cherished _ . My lord, ever conscious of the bonds of obligation and duty between us, presented me with a bond solely of love - and in doing so, gave me leave, full and free, to love him in the way I desire, the way that pleases me best. “ _ Yes _ ,” I gasped - I wished to say more to thank him, but I fell upon him, instead, kissing his beloved mouth, kneeling together on the floor.    
  
“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death,” he whispered, as he fastned the collar about my throat. Yeshuite poetry, that...but fitting for us, Children of Elua. When he pulled his hands away, the collar sat warm and right, as though it were an extension of my own skin, the slight weight already a comfort to my heart and a balm to my soul. 

I do not know when we shall ever see the City of Elua again, nor if I shall see my beloved Phèdre or dear Joscelin again in this life - but I know, surely as the bee flies to the lavender, surely as the sun returns after winter, that so long as I am with my lord, I, too, am home.

**Author's Note:**

> Dear SouthernContinentSkies! I hope this is as fun for you to read as it was for me to write. I had not planned to have a collaring, but Alcuin *wanted* it so badly - I couldn't deny him. Thank you for giving me such a lovely prompt to work with, and I hope your Yuletide is merry and bright!


End file.
